4 Things That Harm The Bond Between Parent And Child
It’s not easy being a father, mother, grandfather or grandmother or any version of parent. Every child comes into this world with their own desires that we must learn to fulfill, as well as values that we must reinforce and emotions that we must encourage, guide and magnify. This is characteristic of the bond between parent and child.
Parenting is more than just teaching them how to read or showing them how to write an essay for school on the computer. Being a parent is more than giving them a cell phone for their birthday and it’s more than putting on the seat belt every time they get in the car. It’s much more than that.
Sometimes, though, we know the theory, but we don’t put it into practice. For in addition to being a parent, we are also spouses, employees, entrepreneurs or job seekers – souls who still long to reach their goals in the daily rush, where we unknowingly begin to make mistakes in the education of our children.
If you are a father, you will remember what it was like when you were a son and you will know without a doubt what you miss or appreciate, to this day, from your childhood. If your childhood was not very happy, you will also understand which aspects of it broke the emotional bond you had with your parents and recognize the mistakes that you should not repeat with your own children, no matter what.
Four mistakes that can damage the bond between parent and child
1. Don’t listen to them
Children talk a lot and they ask a lot of questions. They fire you with thousands of questions, thousands of doubts and with hundreds of comments at the wrong times. They want to know, experiment, share and understand everything that is happening around them.
If you order them to be quiet, if you don’t pay attention to what they say or if you react harshly, all you will achieve in that short time is that the child will stop coming to you and prefer his or her own personal space , behind a locked door that they won’t let you through.
2. Punishing them and not trusting them
There are many parents who equate the word “educate” with “punish” and “prohibit”. With a strict and adamant authority where every rule is enforced and every mistake is punished. This causes the child to lack self-confidence, become insecure and disrupt the emotional bond between you.
When we punish, we don’t teach. If I limit myself to telling my child what she’s doing wrong, she’ll never learn how to do it right. Instead of learning how to improve, I limit myself to humiliating her. And all this will lead to anger, resentment and insecurity in the child. Avoid this.
3. Comparing and categorizing them
Few things are more destructive than comparing one child to another or comparing them to humiliate them, to show them their limited abilities, their mistakes, or their lack of initiative. Often parents make the mistake of talking about the child in front of them as if he or she can’t hear it.
“My child is not as smart as yours, he is slow, what are we going to do with him?” Words like these are painful and can create a negative feeling that will encourage not only hatred of their parents, but also an inner sense of inferiority.
4. Yelling at them and using commands instead of conversations
We will not talk about physical abuse ; It goes without saying that there is no better way to sever an emotional connection with a child than committing this unforgivable act.
We must be aware of another kind of tacit abuse, which is almost as destructive. This is mental abuse, which completely undermines the child’s personality, self-image and self-confidence.
There are parents who don’t know how to handle their children other than yelling at them. Raising your voice for no justifiable reason causes a state of constant tension and agitation in children. They don’t know what to expect and they don’t know when they’re doing something good or something bad. Constant yelling scares off children and harms them because there is no conversation, only commands and blame.
These fundamental aspects must be treated with care. Not listening, not talking, not showing openness or understanding or choosing punishment over conversation are ways to push children away from us little by little. They will see us as enemies to defend against and we will break our emotional bond with them.
