Tips For Having Difficult Conversations

Maybe you’d rather not. But now and then you have to have difficult conversations. Many people choose to avoid them, just as if the problem will just disappear on its own. But it doesn’t work that way. On the contrary, because delaying the inevitable often makes things even more complicated.

You don’t have to be afraid of difficult conversations. Because there are strategies you can use to deal with these kinds of situations. If you do it right, you can master them and avoid drama. That way you get what you hoped for from the conversation: effective communication. We want to look at how you do this in this article.

Strategies for Difficult Conversations

The first thing to do is to set aside the preconceived notion of what constitutes a difficult conversation. That’s what we call conversations that we think will cause us trouble. So you anticipate problems and this creates tension from the start. Then you go on the defensive.

Herein lies the first key to mastering difficult conversations: don’t anticipate complications. That will help you focus on the conversation and gain some perspective. It will also allow you to pay attention to your partner’s hints and direct their emotional changes and reactions.

Active listening without putting your feelings first

People need the feeling that they are being listened to. Therefore, you should not only be attentive and willing to listen. Your entire body must show that you are listening. We all know that listening is essential for good communication.

If the other person feels there is tension, fear, hypersensitivity or aggression, they will react in a negative way. They will not be willing to listen. But if you’re encouraging, calm, and compassionate, they’ll have an easier time feeling the same.

As difficult as a conversation can be, it’s not a fight. There are no winners or losers. So if you want to make something clear, you have to stay calm. This is especially important if the other person seems to be emotional.

Don’t put your feelings first, even if you feel hurt

It’s also important that you don’t put your feelings first, even if the other person is hurting you. Your partner needs to feel that you value him. They need to know that their feelings matter too. In addition, they need to know that you believe them, despite their actions and no matter how much they hurt you.

First, clarify the purpose of the conversation. Then focus on your partner’s thoughts and feelings. That is essential. Before you proceed, you must accept them without judgment. Don’t blame them for their feelings. The moment when you can express your ideas and emotions will come later.

Learn to interpret and manage emotional changes

Many people shut themselves off in difficult conversations. That makes them feel even more nervous. There is little chance that the conversation will end well. But if you pay close attention, observe and pay attention, you will notice these changes. You will then be able to conduct the conversation calmly and under control.

For example, if you notice your partner’s tone of voice changing, tell them. You can also choose not to tell them. But then at least keep in mind what the voice tone means. People often change the way they talk just before they say what’s important to them. That’s because they’re afraid of what might happen.

Nervous laughter

Another sign to watch out for is nervous laughter. Some people laugh when they are ashamed or uncomfortable. They don’t make fun of you. Because actually the opposite happens. It’s like what happens when we cry with happiness.

Nervous laughter often indicates fear. If your partner smiles nervously, ask them how they feel. That gives you the opportunity to determine a starting point. You can then proceed in a positive way from there. It can show that they are trying to avoid a specific emotion. So it’s important that you ask them to express what annoys them and help them open up.

Changes in the pattern of visual contact can also indicate emotional changes. You can tell by the eyes alone that the other person needs a break. If they look the other way or hold your gaze in a cold and menacing manner, it could mean that something is on their mind during the conversation.

That’s the time to ask them, without being aggressive, to share their point of view. You must then listen without interrupting or judging.

You may notice that they use the word “but” a lot. That’s a sign that they’re about to talk about something they’re afraid of. They cannot say it because they are afraid or ashamed. Take advantage of those “but” moments and help them finish their sentences.

Having difficult conversations is good for both partners

We’ve already said it. A conversation is not a fight. There are no winners or losers. If you want to understand something, make decisions or propose solutions, you have to find a way to have that difficult conversation.

It’s not about being right or proving something. In this kind of conversation, that’s actually the worst focus imaginable. You will gain nothing and have much to lose. Open your mind. Put your anger and resentment aside.

If you find all this difficult (and it often is, we don’t have to pretend it isn’t), think about what you hope to get out of the conversation. Tell that to your partner too. It is important that both of you know what the purpose of the conversation is.