Toxic Children: It’s Not Just Adults

Children often rebel at home  and do not want to listen or respect the rules. However, some children cause serious problems for their parents. The parents are overwhelmed and fatigued by the behavior of their children. When the parent-child relationship deteriorates, we may face a case of toxic children, also known as tyrants.

In this case, the house becomes a hostile environment. The parents start to sweat as soon as they put their foot over the threshold. They know that a demanding and hostile tyrant awaits them. A child who will try to get his parents to do what he wants. The more the parents try to take control, the more defensive the child becomes.

How do you recognize toxic children

It is important not to confuse toxic children with children who exhibit age-related behavior  and behavior that is the result of a perfectly normal rebellion. There is certain behavior that, if closely examined, should be nipped in the bud. After all, boundaries are necessary to prevent your children from being raised as tyrants. In that sense it is important that there are flexible boundaries. Flexible, but that get strict at some point.

An attitude that parents must set limits for is an attitude of defiance. This is when children challenge their parents and try to make them part of their aggressive and hostile play. Breaking the rules, violating penalties, and avoiding chores are warning signs to watch out for.

It’s also important to keep your eyes peeled for any sign of a child trying to boss one of their parents around. If the child throws a tantrum when he is not allowed to watch TV or eat when he wants, you should nip that behavior in the bud at the very first sign. Other warning signs that we should not ignore are pickiness, lack of empathy towards others, a low tolerance for frustration, and a tendency to manipulate others to get what they want.

Toxic children are the product of an unsatisfactory upbringing. They are pampered and pampered. They know no boundaries, the parents give in to blackmail and allow them to exercise power even though they are not old enough or mature enough to handle it. Parents have the power and children try to take this power away from their parents and thus enforce their independence. In this tense situation, many parents fail because they feel unable to cope. They give up and this causes the work to go from difficult to very complicated. Instead of a kilo of energy, the task now costs a ton.

Parents are often the cause

As harsh as it sounds, parents usually cause their children’s toxicity.  Spoiling, overprotecting, not setting boundaries, trying to be their friend, and not spending time with them can be devastating.

However, there is a solution to all this. The solution is more complicated than before. It requires more intelligence and often the help of a competent expert. This person can help the parents re-establish boundaries and develop strategies to maintain them. The boundaries must be adapted to the specific situation, taking into account the maturity of the child and aimed at concrete behavior.

In this way, the parents will begin to set clear and consistent boundaries that cannot be questioned or ignored. It is important not to use rewards to encourage the child to follow the rules. Instead, use social recognition to reinforce the positive behavior.

Using rewards with your teen can open the door to a new kind of manipulative behavior. In this case, this leads to them only respecting the rules if some sort of reward is promised in advance. They need to learn that there doesn’t always have to be some kind of external motivation for their behavior. The advantage of good behavior is often that you can carry it out. It’s like helping someone and it makes you feel useful. It is difficult to explain that feeling, so it is best for the child to experience it for himself.

It is imperative to focus on the positive and improve communication with children who exhibit this type of behavior. Good communication will help us understand the underlying causes of their behavior. Perhaps they feel hurt because we are not home often, and their behavior is a way of punishing our absence. Let’s try to communicate and understand our children…. understanding is not the same as being lenient.

The most important thing to keep in mind when dealing with toxic children is not to lose control. We are so focused on our responsibilities and worry that we don’t always see our children’s needs. They cry for attention, care and our time. If they behave badly to get our attention, or because of a bad upbringing, what do we do? We punish them even more by arguing and blaming. Or we go to the other extreme and reinforce the behavior by giving them what they want.

We must not shy away from the demanding (and fascinating) challenges of raising a child. With love and patience we will manage to remove the toxicity that affects so many children when they have more power than they should have. They will want power, but our job is to maintain power and control, no matter how tired we are from work or how much we want to avoid a tantrum. The result of these kinds of struggles is that they determine the kinds of fights we will have with them when they become teenagers.