How To Understand An Adolescent

“You don’t have to suffer to be a poet. Adolescence causes enough suffering for everyone.” This is how the poet John Ciardi described this period in our lives. While it is true that an adolescent often feels misunderstood, this stage in one’s development need not be so tragic. In fact, several studies indicate that the conflicts caused by adolescence are the result of a range of cultural factors.

Psychologist and educator G. Stanley Hall said of this:  “Adolescence is a rebirth, as it is accompanied by the birth of fuller and more advanced human character traits.” Again, this is a very radical statement, as it equates one stage in one’s life with discovering a whole new world, as if everything that comes after is new and inexperienced.

We usually see adolescence as a period in which a person goes through many changes. Some of these changes are quite radical and occur in a fairly short period of time. Adolescence is also a period when young people are subjected to immense pressure from their peers and their families.

If this is indeed the case, within our culture at least, then the question we can extract from this is quite simple, namely:  What can we do to help young people get through this phase better? What tools do we have at our disposal? How can we integrate the changes that occur during this phase in such a way that they will not be traumatic?

Understanding an Adolescent

Understanding an adolescent is not an easy task at all and requires a lot of effort on the part of the parents. It often seems to the parents that their child, who was always understandable and close to them, has now suddenly become rude and distant. However, there are some important tips that parents can use to better understand the true needs of their adolescent children. These tips can help them empathize with the sudden changes occurring in their teen’s psyche.

Empathy

Empathy is essential in every aspect of life, but especially in understanding an adolescent. The ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and understand their feelings and mental processes is fundamental. We’ve all been teenagers at some point. Since we have all had to go through this phase in life, it is important to get in touch with your inner self. Try to analyze what thoughts, feelings, desires and burdens you had at the time. The past can help us, but we should try to see everything in the light of the present circumstances, not the circumstances we were in then.

Just because we didn’t need a cell phone at the time, for example, doesn’t mean we should think that today’s teenagers shouldn’t need a cell phone either. That’s not how it works. The things that were normal in our time no longer apply. So if we want to understand our adolescents today, we have to put in more effort than just pulling our own memories out of the old box.

They have to belong

An adolescent needs more independence and autonomy. How others see him/her and how he/she fits into his/her social world is essential. Ignoring or underestimating the importance of this need is a serious mistake that parents and adults should avoid.

Learn to understand that a problem that may seem miniscule to you may be huge to him/her. Act on this knowledge, be empathetic and acknowledge his/her pain and need for independence. Encourage adolescents to solve their problems using their own skills. Give their problems as much importance as they give them. If you don’t, they will gradually become more distant.

Rebellion

Many people equate the stage of adolescence with rebelliousness, although this is not necessarily the case. Adolescence simply equates to a phase in which young people have a greater need for independence and broadening their horizons. Teens need to distance themselves from their parents to some degree so that they can find their own way. If they are not given the opportunity to do so, they will resist.

Remember that at this stage, teenagers begin to think more rationally and abstractly. Their bodies are changing, and so is their brains and the way they view the world. They must be able to recognize themselves, step outside their comfort zone, outside the boundaries of their parents’ control. They should be given the opportunity to develop their own values.

As parents, we need to understand that this is not the right stage to force ourselves on our children. It is normal that during this stage children will argue with you and talk about their own way of thinking and their own vision, whether they are right or not. And it’s also normal at this stage for you to respectfully express your disagreement with them. If we are not able to accept this as natural and logical, if we are not willing to maintain the conversation with our teen, then we will never be able to understand our teen.

I want to understand a teenager

If you’re eager to help a teen understand, be aware that you have a tough road ahead of you. We recommend talking to your teen a lot and giving him/her his/her own personal space. Recognize that your child is no longer a ‘baby’ and no longer the apple of your eye. Pursue realistic goals. Provide your teen with a lot of useful information and watch out for potential problems. This includes a lack of sleep and a lot of drastic changes, changes such as decreased performance at school or building new friendships.

Understanding an adolescent will only be very complicated if you handle the situation too late. However, with the right information and an empathetic attitude, this does not have to be such a difficult task. This period need not be characterized by frustration at all. Remember, you raised this teen yourself. So it should be much easier to put yourself in him than it may seem at first.