Children Who Lie Should Be Taught, Not Neglected

Every parent would want to know why children lie. Sometimes it’s very simple, and all we have to do is put ourselves in them to figure out the reason. But are children who lie also aware of the seriousness of their act? Are they also able to distinguish between the different lies they tell? In this article we will try to answer these questions.

Studying the lies of children

No, children who lie are no less loving than others. According to psychologist Victoria Talwar, who works at McGill University in Canada, children don’t even see lying in black and white. Their decision to tell the truth or a lie depends on the consequences both options would have, and in particular how harmful the truth or a lie could be to them. 

In other words  , according to Talwar’s research, children will decide to tell the truth or a lie based on the punishment or harm that follows. They don’t do it on purpose, they simply try to avoid a negative situation.

However, when a parent chooses to lie to their child, the damage is much greater. When this happens, a child feels betrayed.

The interesting thing about this study, which studied 100 children between the ages of six and 12 and their parents, is that  parents tend to explain to their children that lying is bad. However, parents also lie,  even if they do it with good intentions, to make their children’s lives easier. But this is confusing for kids, especially younger kids.

Do children think about the motivation behind a lie?

In Talwar’s experiment, the children were shown several videos of situations where someone was hurt. Sometimes it was because someone lied and the person who told the truth was punished for it.

After watching the video, the children were asked what they thought of each person’s actions. The researcher’s intention was to find out what the child’s moral judgment was about the situations he had just been exposed to. In this way, the researcher wanted to analyze each stage of a child’s development in this regard.

The answers were quite varied and so different interpretations arose. While  there is no specific age at which children begin to discern right from wrong,  some patterns were discovered:

• The youngest children who took part in the experiment generally saw lying as something negative. Yet they also chose to accept the lie if the lie helped prevent or reduce harm.
• The difference between the truth and lies was less clear for the children between the ages of ten and twelve. They were aware of the consequences of both telling the truth and lying, so they consciously acted in their own best interests.

What reasons do children have for lying?

When a child lies, especially in relation to his age, this should not be seen as treason or an act that should be punished. According to Alicia Banderas, author of the book  Pequeños Tiranos  (Little Tyrants),  children mainly lie to avoid punishment. Other reasons could be that they are ashamed of something they have done or that they enjoy an activity that they love but also know is forbidden or not allowed at the time.

Researchers claim that children whose cognitive development is more advanced begin to lie as early as age two. Otherwise  , it’s normal to start lying around age three or four, and they do this the same way they explore any other uncharted territory: by experimenting,  trial and error, telling a lie, and seeing where the ship is stranded. and how dramatic the consequences are.

That said, sometimes and especially at a certain age,  children may develop a tendency to lie to brag about something,  to protect their privacy or simply out of sheer desire.

As parents, we should be very careful when we lie to our children. If they find out you’re lying, they’ll probably feel betrayed. And if you do this regularly, especially if you use it to manipulate them with promises you don’t keep, there will come a day when your word means nothing to them.

So it’s all about the conclusion that came out of Talwar’s research. Parents and educators should talk more to their children and explain to them the difference between the truth and lies. As is often the case, communication is the best solution here too.