Why Do We Feel Uncomfortable When We Receive Compliments?

Do we really like to receive compliments all the time and in all circumstances? Perhaps you have ever felt uncomfortable when you received a compliment at some point in your life. This situation is more common than you might expect.

However, let’s start at the beginning. What exactly is a compliment? A compliment is a specific expression that emphasizes someone’s positive characteristics. Compliments serve as a social reinforcement. They help to make the exchanges between people more pleasant.

To put it another way a compliment is a form of praise. When you receive a compliment, the person giving you the compliment is trying to emphasize one of your positive qualities.

So there’s no reason to feel uncomfortable when someone compliments you. Yet these forms of praise make many people uncomfortable and perhaps even very uncomfortable. Why does that happen?

Reconsider compliments

We’ve mentioned it before. A compliment is basically something pleasant and positive. To compliment is to say something kindly to another person. In practice, it means pointing out one of their characteristics or behaviors that we like or appreciate in a positive way.

We all like to hear nice things about ourselves. It makes us feel good. Yet in our society it is not really common to exchange positive verbal messages. Rarely do we use positive reinforcement. We are more used to dealing with punishment.

What we see as “good,” “positive,” or “what we like or enjoy,” we view as “the way things should be.”  Then why should we talk about it? This is the main reason why we rarely give or receive compliments.

You may actually feel “shy,” “cheesy,” “stupid” or even “ridiculous” when someone compliments you. If you still believe positive reinforcement is better than punishment, then you may be motivated to change this.

When someone else compliments you, it can surprise you too. Sometimes it can seem weird or in extreme cases it even makes you laugh at the person who complimented you. That is why it is important that you also know how to receive compliments and not just how to give them.

What are the benefits of knowing how to receive compliments?

Getting compliments is actually easy, even if it seems difficult for many people. Knowing how to get compliments offers many benefits. Let’s take a look at those benefits:

• Compliments help you discover what the other person likes about you.
• They help to establish friendships.
• You can reduce the tension you feel when you are too embarrassed, tense, or nervous to speak.
• They make other people feel good. We all like it when others recognize our qualities, merits and abilities.
• They reinforce positive behavior. A person who receives a compliment can then try to continue the behavior to increase their chances of receiving more compliments in the future.

Negative thoughts that keep you from receiving compliments in a courteous manner

You now know the benefits of knowing how to receive compliments in confidence. So we move on to the next question. Why does getting compliments make us uncomfortable? Behind that discomfort is the belief that people only do things when they want something in return.

This belief can lead you to see praise as a danger or as a threat. Then you can react with distrust, fear, unrest or even sadness. Often, however, there is no such danger. Compliments usually only mean positive reinforcement.

Manipulation

It’s true that sometimes people use compliments to manipulate you. For that reason, words that initially create positive emotions can later be viewed as something negative. If you’ve experienced this before, you may interpret compliments as manipulation.

The fear of standing out

The fear of standing out can also prevent you from receiving compliments in a courteous manner. Some people believe that you can be quite simple and humble. After all, people envy others who are better. This belief can even destroy your own ability to say nice things about yourself.

Quid pro quo

There is another belief associated with this uncomfortable feeling when you receive compliments. It has to do with its quid pro quo. You may think that someone who compliments you is only hoping to get compliments in return.

That belief is irrational. After all, you can’t know what the other person is thinking. So the best way is to believe that people will spontaneously compliment you without expecting anything in return.

Plagues

Finally, we discuss the last belief that has to do with the discomfort of receiving compliments. You may think that the person who compliments you is actually teasing you. You may often assume that people who praise you are being sarcastic. You think they’re just doing it to annoy you.

If this is the case for you, then you can change this belief into something healthier. You can believe it may or may not be a sarcastic comment. The best way is to take it as a sincere compliment in either case.

If it turns out to be genuine, then that’s good for you. If not sincere, your courteous acceptance will still negate their attempts to mock you.

Finally

We’ve discussed a number of beliefs that make you feel uncomfortable when you receive compliments. You can change these irrational beliefs. That way you will be more and more successful in receiving them in a courteous manner.