Love Should Be About Happiness, Not Sadness
Love is always worth it, at any age, in any circumstance. But not all kinds of love are good for us. There is also love that causes harm, love that suffocates us and prevents you from being yourself and entangles you in the knot of unhappiness.
No one comes into this world as a true expert in loving relationships. We learn, suffer, cry, laugh and learn again. We learn through our most intense emotions, the ones that break us in half or enrich our lives like wise souls with open hearts.
Love is an adventure and at the same time a leap of faith. Taking that risk is always worth it if you use your confidence as a parachute and set boundaries and priorities and do so with maturity. And your main priority should always be your own happiness.
How can we make sure that our love contains more pleasure than sorrow?
There is no magic formula that works the same for everyone. Each of us has our own story, with our own values and ways of seeing personal relationships. Since we all want to be happy and not suffer, it is necessary that we keep in mind these interesting points, which give us a certain guideline.
Don’t idealize the person you love
More than once you will surprise yourself by talking about your partner to someone else: “It is the perfect man/woman. He/she knows how I feel just by looking at me, makes me laugh and dream, everything about him/her is perfect. I’ve been so lucky.”
This could be true, this person could possess great qualities. But you shouldn’t see the world through rose-colored glasses that prevent you from seeing reality.
Love overwhelms and inflames us. It makes us feel like we are fifteen years young again and prevents us from projecting our own desires and wishes onto our partner.
Never idealize. See the person you love exactly as he is, in all its complexity, with all its good and bad qualities, which you yourself possess. After all, love is a great struggle to bring two imperfect people together to create the perfect couple and we assure you it’s worth it.
Don’t give everything away for nothing
What would you do for love? Would you leave your family? Would you move to another city? Would you leave your friends? Would you place your wishes after your partner’s? Would you put all your principles aside for them? Think about it objectively.
Love does not mean that you have to give everything without getting anything in return. Loving relationships are a continuous exchange where both win and no one loses. It is not a power game, it is a balance of enrichment and discovery, of mutual effort and compromise.
Love without being possessive
When walls and limitations start to form in our relationship, you start to lose air. If your partner forbids you to do anything or provokes an argument, if his words contain blackmail, victimization, accusation, and ultimatum, then this relationship creates grief, not pleasure.
If love is dependent, possessive and dominant, it is not mature or conscious love. It is a selfish love that puts its own desires and fears first. Free yourself from it.
True love starts with you
Is it selfish to love yourself? Not at all. There are people who spend their whole lives waiting for the perfect person and jumping from relationship to relationship without ever finding that person of their dreams.
Don’t look for someone to fill your void or relieve your fears. Become your ideal person, mature, balanced and comfortable with everything in the world, including yourself.
If you don’t love yourself, you’ll spend your whole life wanting others to love you and fulfill whatever desires you have in that moment. You should not force anyone to solve your problems or your shortcomings or to heal your wounds. You can’t force anyone to love you unconditionally if you don’t love yourself.
If you love yourself, respect yourself and are not afraid to be alone, you will be able to give someone a complete, wise and mature love. A love that will fill you with happiness, not suffering.
A love that knows no suffering is one that is offered with maturity and integrity without asking anything in return. A relationship capable of enriching each other without blackmail is formed by two people who complement each other, who make life beautiful, into a wonderful, enjoyable adventure – something you can learn from every day.
–Images of David Renshaw–
