Childhood Attachment Style And Your Romantic Relationships

Attachment style during childhood is a variable that plays a critical role in establishing healthy and balanced romantic relationships in adulthood. More couples than ever before are realizing that your childhood attachment style has a major impact on your adult attachment style.

John Bolby’s attachment theory defines attachment as the emotional connections you create with those around you during your life. First, you make them together with your parents during childhood.

Later, with other figures such as siblings, extended family, friends and partners. The emotional bond you create with your caregivers has a direct impact on how safe and protected you feel.

The level of security and trust you experience with your parents determines your childhood attachment style. At the same time, that same attachment style can influence the type of romantic relationships you form as an adult. Let’s take a look at the different types of attachments and how they affect romantic relationships.

The secure attachment style in childhood: trusting and positive relationships

Security and trust form the basis of the secure attachment style in childhood. Our caregivers are the ones who inspire these feelings.

In the secure attachment style , parents understand their children’s emotional needs and respond to those needs. This dynamic makes young people feel loved and protected. It is a safe environment where they can express their feelings because there is a climate of trust. They can be themselves without fear of rejection.

If the attachment figures encourage these two basic traits (security and trust), they will raise a child who is confident and trusts others. Their child will also develop the ability to regulate their emotions and good social habits. Here’s how Rafael Guerrero, psychologist and director of Darwin Psychology Services, puts it:

They are more likely to trust their partner, avoiding dependency problems. It will also be easier for them to communicate well and identify each other’s needs.

Avoidant attachment style: insecure and distant relationships

Children with this attachment style have suffered from parental rejection and their needs have not been sufficiently considered.

Because their caregivers were not available, their relationships with the parents showed emotional distance and a lack of availability. They were not there to support them or help them when they needed it.

• They have learned to avoid emotional contact and intimacy with others. This is due to the fact that they have learned that they cannot rely on their attachment figures.
• They also have trouble expressing their emotions. They fear that they will experience rejection or indifference. This is because they suffered in the same way at the hands of their reference persons.
• They eventually form a kind of invisible shield and build an apparent autonomy based on a set of learned strategies. These strategies are learned out of fear of rejection.

Romantic relationships with an avoidant attachment style are often aloof because one person feels like they can’t really trust the other. They avoid emotional attachment because of fear of their partner and themselves. In addition, it is very difficult for them to ask or accept help from others.

Avoidant attachment: unstable and dependent relationships

In avoidant attachment, children have unstable parents. They sometimes reject the children without any consistency in their motives.

This kind of insecurity makes children with this style not want to explore the world because they don’t know if their demands will be met if they ask for help.

People with this attachment style have a high chance of developing emotional dependence and learning to live in relationships with fear and uncertainty. They often have a negative self-image and a low sense of control over what is happening.

They are afraid of being abandoned and require a lot of attention. Also, they need others to show their love constantly.

In short, all this explains the connection between attachment styles and romantic relationships. The relationships you built in childhood with the first main characters in your life seem to influence the type of partner you choose later in life. It also affects the types of relationships you form. And also on the quality of the connection you have with those closest to you.