When Being Alone Is Unbearable, Take Action

When you think about loneliness, you will probably see it as something negative. We are all influenced by unpleasant experiences and irrational beliefs about ‘staying on your own.’ If you don’t find a solution to this, you may begin to see being on your own as something unbearable.

So the moment you feel lonely or think you will be alone forever, you start to feel bad. You feel pressured and begin to feel suffocated. This can make you make bad choices. The best way to avoid this is to take action.

Identify what you feel

What do you feel while being on your own? Anger, or maybe sadness? It is important to identify your emotions when you feel alone so that you can let them go. If you let them go, they can’t hurt you. However, if you ignore them, they will not go away. In fact, they only get further inflated inside. Eventually they turn into a kind of poison that only increases the emptiness inside you.

To identify what you’re feeling and how it affects you at a time like this, keeping a journal of your emotions can be helpful. In this you can write down physical sensations, feelings and emotions that you experience when you are alone. An alternative is to write a letter to someone describing how you feel. You can even draw a picture, talk to someone you trust or seek professional help.

Make time to work on yourself

At first, you’ll probably think you don’t have time for this at all. That’s probably because it’s really hard to watch something that hurts you. After all, you’d rather avoid it. However, looking what hurts you straight in the eye allows you to let it go. That way you can eventually accept it. This is an extremely important — if not crucial — step.

Once you can pinpoint what it is that makes you feel lonely when you’re on your own, it’s time to take the next step. You need to stop behaviors or thought patterns that sustain this feeling. For example, you may isolate yourself from the closest relatives and friends because you feel bad about yourself. It’s one thing to be alone, but it’s another thing to behave in a way that leaves you alone  . Such behavior is also referred to as a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’.

You have to put effort into making new friends. You will have to do your best to leave relationships with people that make you feel lonely. Try to pay attention to when you accept invites to events that you normally wouldn’t participate in because you feel bad. Ask yourself, “If I didn’t feel the way I do now, would I go?” If the answer is “yes”, then give it a try!

Change your beliefs about being on your own

What beliefs do you have that make being by yourself unbearable? You may believe that being single means that you are a failure. Or maybe you feel like you’re incapable of getting and keeping people by your side. You may even feel that doing things alone is embarrassing.

The only way to counter these feelings is to accept them and not let them lead you. Do you think it’s embarrassing to just have a coffee somewhere or go to a movie alone? Then do it right! You will discover that you are not the only one doing it. More important than that, you will realize that it can make you feel good.

Why not pick up a new activity or hobby? Maybe you work 8 hours a day and think you can’t fit any more into your day. However, when you come home from work and you are alone with no further plans, you may start to worry. This rarely improves your view of self and loneliness. So instead try to do that evening class you’ve always wanted to do or go to the gym and take that Zumba class after work.

Self-actualization

There are resources that can help you grow as a person and lead to self-actualization. This also allows you to meet new people and you will realize that you are not as alone as you think! To do this, however, you should actively confront your grief and realize that you don’t have to depend on others to be happy.

Question your beliefs. Don’t compare yourself to others. Do what you feel like without worrying about whether or not others can join in. Your happiness and ability to enjoy yourself are at stake. You deserve the very best; you deserve to feel good and be happy with yourself as a person and as your only companion. This is not only true when there are other people with you or when you are in a relationship.