The 90/10 Rule: Change Starts Within

In psychology, there is such a thing as the 90/10 rule that the way we react to events is far more influential than the events themselves. Only 10% of our lives are determined by the things that happen to us: making a mistake, a delayed flight, a traffic jam, for example, can cause us to be late for work.

The other 90% is directly related to how we respond to that 10%. We know that different people react very differently to the same situation. Depending on their initial reaction to what happened, their day can end up being very pleasant or unpleasant.

Our reaction when faced with adversity can make the rest of our day, week, or even our year, better or worse. It all depends on us.

It’s important to keep this rule in mind because it helps us remember that we are in control of most of our lives: 90%. Also, this rule can free us from the useless emotions we sometimes experience, by making us realize that 10% of our lives are simply out of control.

If we are able to use our willpower, then we would also be able to turn something negative into something just once, or we could even take away something positive.

Would you like to know how to do this? Then keep reading…

An example of the 90/10 rule

To get a better idea of ​​how we can put this great rule into practice, it might help to look at an example we can identify with. Imagine that you have been working all day on a project that your boss has given you. You almost have to hand it in, but luckily you are also almost ready. Just when you’re about to save it, the power goes out and your computer’s screen is suddenly completely black.

Apparently your wife turned on the gas stove, which always causes the fuses to blow. You get angry, nervous, and it feels like the end of the world. You take it out on your wife and eventually you get into a big fight.

Furious, you walk into the kitchen and accidentally knock over the cups on the counter. Unexpectedly, your favorite cup also breaks, the cup from which you drink a cup of coffee every morning. Now you get even angrier, and you blame your son for using your cup and leaving it on the counter.

After a few minutes, you try everything to restore the work you had already completed, but it doesn’t work. Everything is lost. You get mad, you swear, and you go out for some fresh air, and you shut the door hard behind you. You are now mad at your wife, at your son, your favorite cup is broken and your project is not finished. You’re having a bad day.

What happened? As we can clearly see, there is a trigger that has determined the situation for 10%. The gas stove was turned on, causing the plugs to blow. This is the event that has nothing to do with us. It is an uncontrollable event that someone contributed to without malicious intent. It was simply a mistake.

What does depend on us is everything that happened after that. That’s that 90% that turned a normal day into a terrible day. Our protagonist turned one problem into many different problems.

Instead of putting his energy into fixing the project, asking his wife for help, or telling his boss what happened and asking for more time, he has opted for an unproductive response. In the end, the whole family is arguing over a one-time, uncontrollable event. Was this worth it?

When to put the 90/10 rule into practice

There are plenty of situations that could trigger a dysfunctional response. In situations like this, it’s important to remember this rule and appeal to our willpower so that we don’t get caught up in our emotions. The real key to success is learning to accept that frustrations are just part of the game of life.

When someone judges you

You have no control over the judgments and criticisms of others, because they have the right to think what they want. What you do have control over is the value you place on these judgments and the importance you give them. If I can’t control what others think about me, why waste energy on it?

If you make a mistake

You have no control over the mistakes you make. You can learn from them, but even then you will still make them. This is in our nature. You only have control over how you respond to these errors. You decide whether you want to accept that you are fallible, how severely you want to punish yourself, and whether you are willing to tolerate your own mistakes…

When others don’t do what you want them to do

We have absolutely no control over the reactions of others. Demanding that someone behave differently than they are is simply unrealistic and will only make us frustrated. Plus, it will jeopardize your relationship with that person.

When faced with adversity

Life goes hand in hand with experiencing adversity. Studies show that each person will experience about 20,000 setbacks during their lifetime. These can be minor setbacks, such as stepping in the poop, or serious setbacks, such as losing a loved one.

It’s something we have to work into our plans, and it’s something we can’t possibly control. We are only responsible for the extent to which we are affected by these setbacks.

So if you’re faced with something you can’t control, put the 90/10 rule into practice. You know that 90% depends on you. If you manage not to get carried away by that other 10%, everything that happens to you will remain just a mosquito. You will free yourself from the urge to make an elephant out of everything.