The Influence Of Family On Your Self-confidence

The formation of our self-confidence gets its fuel (in part) from the family dynamics in which we were raised. It is a legacy that leaves its mark and is sometimes difficult to cure. This especially happens when it comes from a father or a mother who has never loved herself. It can also come from parents who lacked the skills to pay attention to our needs, encourage us, or engage in deep conversation. The influence of your family on your self-confidence is therefore of great significance.

There is no shortage of psychologists who say that our “tank” of self-confidence must be so full that it overflows so that we can function in life. Like it or not, there are some “fuels” that give us enough determination, confidence and a sense of competence. But we know very well that we often go through life with almost nothing in the tank. Then our levels are so low that it is almost impossible to restart our engine and overcome this problem.

The famous cultural anthropologist Margaret Mead has explained to us something very important. She maintains that the family is the first social group where our way of interacting with others defines who we are (or at least a large part of it). Our parents have the job and obligation to fill our ‘tank’ with suitable nutrients and rich ingredients. They must ensure that there is no lack of security, affection and attention. In addition, they must provide that vital encouragement and drive that will help us walk through this world feeling that we are valuable people.

But on this arduous road to building our self-confidence, we don’t always get this quality fuel. This then inevitably leads to us trying to discover who we are. We therefore look for how we can restore our childhood. Because in our childhood so many things were missing.

Building your confidence and bonding with parents

The formation of our self-confidence starts in childhood. Does this mean, then, that our character is completely determined by all that we have experienced in childhood and early childhood? It should be pointed out here that in psychology, as in many other sciences, the word “determinism” is dangerous and has deep undertones.

In psychological matters, everything that happens in childhood has a great influence. But it doesn’t mean that this completely defines who we are. One thing we know about human beings and specifically about the brain. Our flexibility and ability to get better is immense. Nevertheless, we cannot ignore the great importance of our upbringing. The quality of the interaction with those who care for us is absolutely key. They not only provide us with nutrition and maintenance. But they also leave us an emotional and educational legacy.

Being emotionally connected

To delve deeper into these topics, we recommend reading the writings of  Dr. Ed Tronick  . He is an expert in child development and a professor of pediatrics at Harvard University. According to him, we need to be emotionally connected with children so that we can promote good self-confidence and quality care in children. But in much of his research, he managed to show that even good parents are out of tune with their children 40 percent of the time.

We may find these findings somewhat alarming. Or we think they are exaggerated. But dr. Tronick points to something that should make us think. The reason many parents don’t connect 100 percent with children’s emotional needs is because they don’t connect with themselves either.

A parent can be full of stress and unresolved emotional knots. Then he will unconsciously send a series of signals and information to the child. The child then also incorporates this information into his own life. Moreover, it is difficult to create self-confidence in the child if the parents themselves do not have great self-confidence. If the child does not feel this foundation in the parent, then it will not receive that same security.

The family influences but you decide

Your self-confidence forms during childhood. This formation is primarily influenced by three factors. Physical  appearance,  the  behavior  and academic  achievement. The way our parents deal with these three dimensions can encourage us to grow in security and confidence. If they don’t show us this, it can cause helplessness, loneliness and fear.

The hardest part of all this is that, to this day, we continue to see the immaturity of many parents in this area. They don’t realize the problems they cause with their language and communication style. Just by listening to the conversations at the school gates, we can see them, without even realizing it, pluck the wings of their child’s self-confidence feather after feather.

Using Equations

The use of comparisons and negative affirmations destroys a child’s self-confidence in a terrible way. Telling a child that he is hopeless or that he will never pass his exam will destroy his self-confidence. Parents who do this are unable to see the hidden emotional problems in their children. In terms of self-confidence, they let their children fall into the same abyss they fell into.

It is where the family influences the formation of your self-confidence. But we also need to recognize that what happened in the past should not define us for the rest of our lives. We have the power to stop being influenced and continue to run on such low self esteem. The ability to restore a childhood full of deficits is in our hands. In this way we can give ourselves a maturity that others could not give us. We need to learn how to fuel ourselves and stop looking for what others can give us. Every day we have to work on our self-confidence. We must maintain the desire to change, to be brave and to love ourselves. Regardless of our past, there is always a time to change and invest in our own self-confidence.