Am I Doomed By My Family History?
There is nothing worse than seeing yourself reflected in your parents’ shortcomings. In a way, it’s crazy to think how awful it was dealing with those flaws, and now, like it or not, they’re part of you too. But is this part of something bigger, like your family history?
The discomfort caused by this resemblance is so great that often there is nothing you can do but deny it. This denial leads us to impose such shortcomings on others. In psychoanalytic terms , this is known as projection.
It is quite normal to repeat patterns from your family history in other relationships. What you learned growing up continues to leave a mark on you to this day. When you realize this, you may ask yourself, “Am I really doomed by my family history?” or “will I make the same mistakes as them?”
Why is your family history important?
However, your family history goes beyond genetic studies. You haven’t stopped learning since you came out of the womb. In fact, you had already learned a few things before you were born.
It is also normal to imitate what you see every day. In an instant you are expressing yourself like the people around you. You even learn to deal with your emotions the way they do. In a way, those people become your role models.
There is, in fact, a stage of development where children cannot distinguish their own being from that of their caregivers. But in later stages, the child develops his or her ‘self’ and understands that it is dependent on his or her attachment figures.
This stage is especially noticeable in adolescence, when the individual intends to affirm his “self” and deny his family history.
Furthermore, these attachment figures are not only a model, but in a sense also the example. Children idealize their parents during childhood. So much so, that according to psychoanalytical theories, there may be a parental infatuation known as the Oedipus or Electra complexes.
Will I make the same mistakes as my family?
No, your family is not damning you. If you want to be different from your family, you will be. All the patterns you have seen or learned are imbued with your personality. That’s why you sometimes recognize them as yourself. However, they are not the only models you have. Your life experiences also give structure to this entire framework!
The new relationships you build, whether romantic, friendly, or brotherly, change all those patterns you carry inside.
In that sense, you may view your family history as a burden. Nevertheless, it is also a precious thing that you must triumph in order to sustain your generation. Believe it or not, it is possible to perfect and improve your family history.
Anna Freud, daughter of the famous psychiatrist Sigmund Freud, made fundamental contributions to psychiatry with her theories on defense mechanisms. As you can see, Anna Freud continued her father’s legacy and went one step further.
Improving your family history
As you can see, it is important to understand your family history to fully understand how your attachment figures have affected you over the years. However, this does not mean that it is predetermined that you will repeat what your family has done. Remember that you don’t have to repeat your actions that you don’t agree with. After all, you are an individual.
One of the psychotherapies that focus more on this perspective is family therapy. This one tries to clarify your current family position and even generations ago. This allows the person to play an active role in those unconscious familiar patterns that keep repeating themselves and that cause pain.
Ultimately, you are heir to your relatives. Both of the positive things and of the legacy you are proud of and of those who cause you discomfort. However, you must remember that it is up to your own existence to improve this history and pass on the best of yourself to the next generation.
