Destructive Criticism: Nobody Wins
Sometimes criticism and assessment can be constructive and helpful. Usually, however, there is no question of constructive intentions, but of destructive criticism, which does nothing for anyone. For some reason, there are always people who project their negativity and insecurities onto others by judging or criticizing. People who make it their goal to make clear all the “flaws” they see in others.
We have all been victims of these types of people at one point or another. Sometimes we have been these people ourselves. Indeed, the act of criticizing someone has become so common that it is a focus of many TV and radio programs. It’s a joke or plot. Many people watch these kinds of programs, but why? Why do we express so much destructive criticism in this way?
Understanding the mechanism of criticism can help us become aware of how this pattern of behavior works. That’s why we’ve described some of the main reasons why people criticize and judge others.
Everything can be criticized, it’s just a matter of using your imagination.
1. Feelings of inferiority
Inferior feelings can motivate people to criticize others. But other times, feelings of superiority are the motivating factor. For many, pretending to be superior is just a disguise for feelings of inferiority. They try to make themselves feel safer.
So they try to satisfy the need to feel powerful and superior by criticizing others or watching television programs that focus on the mistakes of others.
2. Dissatisfaction with yourself
Sometimes we criticize others because they reflect our own shortcomings. When we criticize others, we assume that the problem is with other people and not with us. We criticize people when we try to convince ourselves that others have flaws too and that they are worse than our own.
So by criticizing the same thing over and over, we reflect what we don’t like about ourselves. We project our fears and insecurities. If we don’t accept our shortcomings and instead look for faults in others, we generate rejection and trigger criticism. This phenomenon is known as “self-disowning”.
Jealous people are the biggest cause of criticism. When they feel inferior to someone, they use criticism as a defense. They lower the qualities of the other and magnify their flaws, real or imaginary.
These people do not criticize themselves, their energy is focused on persecuting others. They look away from themselves because they are afraid of what they might see.
3. Want to be included in the group
Sometimes people criticize others because of social relationships. Studies show that in order to be part of a group, we criticize people from another group. Criticism, in that sense, does everything it can to strengthen our sense of belonging and can convince others that we are part of their group.
In such cases , the criticism is mediated by the group ‘s attitude towards it. If encouraged within the group, it will most likely happen more often and with greater intensity. On the other hand, if members of the group make it clear that criticism is frowned upon, the person who wants to feel like part of the group will do other things.
Finally, if we think we are experts in a particular area, we can begin to criticize others to show how much we know and affirm our position of authority. This stems from a lack of self-esteem and a desire for admiration from others.
4. Revenge and Cowardice
Criticism can also be based on revenge. Situations may arise that are unresolved or where there has been no forgiveness. In these cases, we can use criticism as a form of humiliation or punishment. When we are not brave enough to come face to face with someone who has hurt us, we turn to criticism to ease our frustration, anger, or pain.
Criticism as a form of revenge is closely linked to the use of manipulation for revenge. Sometimes we criticize others with the intention of separating them from their friends or making them feel alone.
5. Narcissism and Selfishness
When we feel we deserve special treatment but don’t get it, we may feel that others owe us. Sometimes, due to a narcissistic feeling, we feel that others should be more helpful. If we feel this is the case, we can use criticism to complain, belittle, and make the other person feel bad.
Attitude to Destructive Criticism
Criticism is without a doubt inevitable. It will always show up in our lives in some form. In this sense, as Stamateas has explained, the “law of three thirds” is applied. A third is made up of people who love us, the second third is made up of people who hate us. The last third is made up of people who don’t know us, but still have an opinion about us.
However, we should not underestimate the negative and destructive power of criticism coming from this third category. Winston Churchill compared the pain of criticism to physical pain. Furthermore, a recent study found that rejection, criticism, and humiliation are all processed by the same part of the brain responsible for processing physical pain.
Better from a distance
In order to live within this toxic epidemic of destructive criticism, there is one important guideline we must follow: get out or protect yourself from negative people. These negative beings are committed to poisoning others.
The wisest thing to do is to keep your distance, especially when others try to make you complicit in their criticism. Remember that interactions with these types of people can damage our emotional and social health.
In short, the key is not to let yourself be polluted by the negativity of others and not to take things personally when you are the target of criticism. Remember that criticism says more about the person who gives it than it does about the person who receives it. It’s their problem, not yours.
