Emotional Caresses Are The Best Food For The Soul

The art of emotional caresses goes beyond simple physical contact. It implies caressing the soul by means of a glance, it means saying in a tender voice to a child: ‘I am proud of you’. It’s a ‘ I think of you, I respect and love you’ . These caresses are the music that gives our emotional brains the air it needs to learn how to appreciate another person.

Eric Berme is a psychiatrist and the developer of transaction analysis. He defined emotional caresses as the basic units of recognition that are mainly aimed at stimulating individuals. We are talking about a kind of transaction. A mode of exchange that uses a kind of language that acts as authentic food for that delicate psycho-emotional universe that defines us and keeps us alive.

It doesn’t matter how strongly we defend our independence, or how much pleasure we experience from time alone, people are social by nature. In order to survive, to be happy and to have security, we need this kind of stimulus: emotional caresses. However, and here’s where the real problem lies, to this day we remain humble disciples of the emotional world.

As we already know, there are those who economise on the energy and willpower necessary for reciprocity. There are also those who, for whatever reason, think they are not worthy of receiving them. And there are many people who are trained to give out negative emotional caresses, those of sarcasm, contempt and indifference.

The same caresses that a child receives when he is not cared for or appreciated by his parents. The same kind a person feels when they don’t get love from their partner. It is a subject with many nuances, which we would like to delve into with you today.

Emotional caresses are on the Red list

Love, like respect, needs no physical contact to be shown or validated. Emotional caresses can also be given in the workplace, for example when a manager shows confidence in his employees. He reinforces or values ​​them with words of admiration, respect and gratitude.  As Berne has said, these kinds of acts are the basic unit of every social act, which each of us should know how to apply.

The greater the repertoire of emotional caresses that we offer to others and that we in turn receive from them, the richer and more skillfully we will live together. But in this society, indoctrinated by modern knowledge, we lose touch with our ability to connect with others with a simple glance. We can no longer rely on verbal reinforcement or give an honest answer at the right time. Now emoticons are our greatest reinforcements during conversations, which we sometimes rely on too much.

We must be able to develop an emotional language to show recognition, reciprocity, empathy and respect. For example, children don’t just need the emotional caresses of their family. School and their educators should also be intuitive when it comes to showing these kinds of reinforcements, which hold back common feelings such as frustration, loneliness, or insecurity.

Also, organizations and companies must be able to create a more favorable climate of recognition and value for their employees, which will ultimately encourage their creativity and productivity.

Caress yourself, caress others

Emotional caresses should flow between people like a warm breeze on a lovely summer afternoon. At rest, offering relief to the one who needs it, helping the fallen to his feet and putting a smile on the faces of those who not long ago felt only bitterness.

Claude Steiner, author of the well-known book ‘ Emotional Education’ , covered an aspect worth keeping in mind. There are people who don’t know how to give emotional caresses. Furthermore, there are also people who simply believe that they do not deserve it. These are people who at some point, and for whatever reason, stop stroking themselves. That is, they stopped valuing themselves, stopped nurturing their self-image.

This kind of behavior fits into what is known as the law of scarcity. That is, do not ask for positive caresses and do not reject negative caresses. In reality, we should all live in an opposing world, a world ruled by “the law of plenty”:

• Offer positive caresses.
• Accept them too.
• Be able to ask for positive caresses.
• Be able to refuse negative caresses.

Knowing how to put emotional caresses into practice

Emotional caresses mainly consist of the craftsmanship of appreciation. When you appreciate someone, you show that they are important to you.

That reinforcement expressed through a compliment, a thank you, or even comfort promotes the validation of that person’s self-image. It is also beneficial for its cooperation in society. That’s why we all win.

However, and this is good to know, emotional caresses also have a dark side. Here we don’t talk about art anymore, but instead we talk about aggression. It would be expressed through the following acts:

• Using emotional caresses as a form of psychological manipulation.
• Using hypocrisy as a tool to exert power or achieve a particular goal.

But don’t worry, most people show much more positive behavior than negative behavior. Because in the end, this is how a species survives: love, tenderness, attention, consideration… It’s always good to remember the principles and benefits of emotional caresses:

• Emotional caresses can be offered at any time, place or time.
• They are cheap, easy to give and produce great side effects.
• They are above social classes, age, gender and race. It is a universal currency.
• They are the best remedy for fear, frustration, doubt and any other mental problem.
• Emotional caresses promote good mental and emotional health and well-being. Without a doubt we can say that this is the best food for the soul.