Overcoming Your Fear Of Being Abandoned

Overcoming your fear of being abandoned and managing to take care of yourself is not an easy task. However, it is possible as long as you recognize how valuable you are. You can convince yourself that you are brilliant, important and strong. Realize that you are not dependent on anyone. The moment you are able to give yourself the love you deserve, everything changes.

Being abandoned at an early age

Some people are confronted with abandonment at a very early age. This is an extremely difficult experience. However, we are not just talking about growing up without parents. Sometimes the most obvious pain is caused by emotional abandonment.

Growing up with parents who are physically present but emotionally absent is also traumatic. These are the kind of parents who never provide emotional support or provide solid foundations based on a secure attachment.

Experiences of being abandoned early leave their mark. This feeling of chronic and lasting loss leads to shame, helplessness and anxiety. This desolation makes you feel like you were never loved. You also feel like loneliness is your only refuge and that you can’t trust anyone.

Neglect and abandonment distort reality and your thoughts. It is important to recognize that it is understandable that you fear that the people you love will leave you (especially if you have suffered in the past).

It is pathological that you are constantly anxious and have obsessive thoughts about abandonment. There is, however, a bright spot. After all, it is possible to overcome your fear of being abandoned.

“Fear is my most faithful companion, it has never deceived me.”

-Woody Allen-

The fear of being abandoned is a prison

The fear of abandonment is a closed and suffocating space that destroys relationships. You should not torment yourself for what you are going through. On the contrary, you must learn to understand the roots of your fear. It can help you better manage anxiety. You must first be aware that the fear of being abandoned is a genuine primal human feeling.

What does that mean? As a species, nothing is more important for development and survival than having supportive caretakers from an early age. That could be your parents or someone else.

However, you need caregivers who are warm, loving and make you feel safe. If you don’t have that from an early age, your brain feels a terrible void. It makes you more vulnerable to developing certain mood disorders.

The  Journal of Youth and Adolescence  published an interesting study in 2011. Arizona State University researchers have determined that anyone who has experienced the death of a parent also exhibits fear of abandonment. It’s a primal fear. So it’s something we can’t easily put an end to.

However, once you learn to deal with it and heal the open wound, everything changes. You will eventually be able to leave your emotional prison and live a happier and fuller life.

How can you overcome the fear of being abandoned?

When you have one or more experiences of traumatic abandonment, you begin to believe that you are worthless. This leads to low self-confidence. And that’s not all. You are also afraid that it will happen again.

This causes feelings of anxiety and makes it difficult to deal with relationships. You find yourself in toxic situations where you are too needy. Your obsession with getting people to love and appreciate you leads to the loss of your authenticity.

Love based on an obsessive need will only cause suffering. No one deserves to live in this kind of situation. So it is essential that you learn to overcome your fear of being abandoned. We will now discuss some strategies that can help you do just this.

Taking care of yourself emotionally so that you can overcome the fear of being abandoned

• Accept your fear for what it is: completely normal. Fear is innate in all human beings. In your case, it is more intense as a result of past experiences. Fear is completely natural but you should not allow it to take control of your life.

• If you want to overcome your fear of being abandoned, you have to be 100% responsible for yourself. No one has to save you. Your partner is not obliged to be responsible for you. He or she doesn’t have to be your only source of emotional support, either. Self-love is the only love that can truly heal. You must love yourself unconditionally.
• You also need to change your inner dialogue. It is absolutely forbidden to sell yourself short and to believe that no one loves you. Also, stop thinking that you will be abandoned again. Don’t let yourself think the worst about yourself or your partner. If you find yourself in the black hole of “She did this because she’s no longer interested…” or “He doesn’t really love me…” Recognize it and try to make it stop. A calm mind is a happier mind. Focus on building trust. Then you will have stronger and more meaningful relationships.

• Work on your emotional self-care. This is a slow process. You need to be mindful of this and recognize your needs. After all, you are the only one who can heal your emotional emptiness. It’s your responsibility. You can’t put it on someone else’s shoulders.

Healing is a slow process

Finally, we would like to point out that this process is not easy. Being abandoned leaves a deep and lasting impression. Overcoming the fear of abandonment can be a long and arduous journey. You may not be able to complete it on your own.

Do you feel that your fear of abandonment prevents you from having fulfilling and stable relationships? Do not hesitate and ask for professional help. You deserve to be able to take care of yourself and be free from fear.