When A Favor Turns Into A Disservice

The word favor comes from the Latin and its lexical component favere which means “to show kindness”. The original meaning is about helping others and showing kindness. Yet it is far from what we sometimes understand by it today. A “disservice” is the opposite of “favor” and the latter often turns into the former.

At first you might think that a disservice is simply the result of unwillingness or unkindness. However, this is not so. The intention is often to do a favor, but eventually it becomes a problem. So let’s dig a little deeper.

Sometimes, without asking, you get help from other people, selflessly or unexpectedly. Of course this fills you with joy because such favors give you a transformative power.

Of course, these situations can go unnoticed in a world of constant demands and immediate rewards. So you may not be grateful enough. Especially with those people who work against you rather than do you a favor without you noticing.

The Mediators Between Favors and Gratitude

A lack of gratitude can be due to cognitive distortion, a distortion that makes the experience more negative. Selective abstraction or filtering is a distortion of thinking that leads you to believe that negative things are more relevant and present than positive ones.

However, just as you are usually not grateful enough, you may also not be paying enough attention to those situations. They lead you, intentionally or not, to situations you don’t like.

Therefore, life is not a mathematically perfect algorithm. For example, actions or circumstances that give you an advantage in the beginning may eventually harm you. This is because such results are usually unintended and can be detrimental.

On another level, mental filters form different lenses through which you pass the information you receive or the thoughts you create. Everyone has them and generates them based on their own experiences, mostly unconsciously.

Mental filters or cognitive distortions are the mediators of your level of gratitude. Or your gratitude for certain favors, whether you asked for them or not.

When a favor turns to ingratitude and condescension

On other occasions and to your later surprise, certain services lead to an unintended result. Also, they become favors for the person you “want to help.”

These situations are usually part of a condescending attitude. On the other hand  , they may be motivated to respond solely and solely to the benefit offered. For this reason, certain favors can be a double-edged blade.

Condescension occurs when a sense of superiority goes hand in hand with a misunderstanding of kindness toward the person who is supposed to benefit from it. It could be that someone is planning to be condescending to you and disguise it as a favor. Because you don’t ask, its consequences are harmful.

To avoid situations like this, which are far from valuable to those who receive them, it is important to be critical of certain offers, even if they are apparently useful. On the other hand, if the damage has already been done, here’s what you can do.

What to do in case of a bad service?

Please observe the following guidelines:

• Excuse yourself. First, give a glimpse of the cause of the situation or of the disservice. Don’t take blame if it’s not your fault.
• Take responsibility. Understand that lack of guilt does not remove responsibility. Yes, you are also responsible for what you accept.
• Evaluate the intention and let it go. Are there expectations behind the favor?

After all, you are human and can be wrong whether you like it or not. In this regard, humanism opens the doors to compassion and forgiveness. It is also important to remember that many favors, even those with expectations or malicious intent, come from ignorance.

A favor for profit is a disservice

The perfect favor is a selfless, well-intentioned and kind act to those who receive it. However, it seems that favors today have to be reciprocal and the main drivers behind it are justice and reciprocity.

So, if you don’t repay a favor with a favor on your part, it remains a debt. Along with the inevitable negative consequences for those who were supposedly favored. This is already a disservice to the recipient.

In addition, the lack of reciprocity sometimes places the recipient in an inferior position. This is nothing more than a projection. One that creates a counterfeit market for favors and debtors and can lead to negative feelings or resentment, especially if the “generous soul” does not get payment.

A favor is altruistic and selfless in its social conception. However, the favors one doesn’t need, and offered with a condescending attitude, are more likely to turn into disservice. So when favors are unsolicited, think twice. A favor with expectations is not a favor.

The “pay it forward” concept of a favor does not turn into a disservice because immediate reciprocity is not expected. It starts with the idea that everyone is altruistic and can please someone without expecting anything in return. This is because one day, somehow, someone else will do the same for them.