You And I Will Grow As A Couple

Create. Grow together. Give each other life. Enrich yourself. Destroy the castle. Build it up again. wake up. Dream. sleep. Eat. devour. Kiss. Love. Be caring. Argue. Disagree. Make it right again. Smile. Hug. Admire each other. Develop your love. caress each other. Wind up the other. All this and more is what makes us grow as a couple.

Knowing what your partner likes, likes and fears, what the names of his favorite artists are, having intellectually stimulating conversations, having confidence and experiencing freedom, having an eye for the small details etc. This is the emotional world of a relationship, with its love cards (our love relationship templates) and its detailed ways.

Is this then the basis of a relationship that has no dependency? Yes. Because both members know each other, reinforce each other and do not seek to completely merge into each other. This is an essential aspect if we want to grow as a couple.

The love cards of a growing couple

According to psychologist John Gottman  , our love cards reside in those parts of our thoughts where we store all the information that is important to our partner’s life. By remembering this and paying attention to the emotional changes our partner is going through, we are able to better understand his goals in life, his concerns and his expectations.

We should therefore take the time to create an archive about our partner. Although this information may already be in our heads, it never hurts to put it on paper as well. It’s a great exercise. Let’s see…

Important people in my partner’s life

• friends
• Potential Friends
• Rivals, Competitors, Enemies

Important recent events in my partner’s life

• Urgent events (what is my partner waiting for so hopefully and what expectations make him afraid and anxious?)
• My partner’s current tensions
• My partner’s current concerns

My partner’s expectations and aspirations (for themselves and others)

This can be very enriching if done schematically. In addition, each person within the relationship can write down some information about themselves and then exchange this information. For example:

My battles and my victories

• What successes in your life are you particularly proud of?
• How have these successes defined your life? How have they affected the way you see yourself, your abilities, your goals, and the things you fight for?
• How important was pride in your life? (i.e. how important was it to you to be proud of yourself, to be praised or to praise others etc?)
• Did your parents show you that they loved you? How? Was love openly expressed in your family? If not, what significance has this had on your relationship?
• What role has being proud of your achievements played in your relationship? What role have your battles played?
• Would you like your partner to know and understand these aspects of you, your past, your present and your future plans?

My wounds and scars

• What difficulties have I undergone? Losses, disappointments, problems, stress, deception, deep traumas…
• How did I get stronger? How did I channel my pain?

• What effect has this had on my relationship? What do I want my partner to know and understand about these aspects of me, my past, present and future plans?
• How do I express emotion and how did my family express each emotion when I was little?
• What is my philosophy about expressing feelings?
• What are the differences between me and my partner when it comes to expressing emotions? What lies behind these differences? What consequences does this have?

My mission, legacy and who I want to become

• We should imagine that we are standing at our own grave: what do we want our epitaph to say?
• What do I want people to think about my life?
• What is my goal? What meaning does this have?
• What do I want my life to look like in ten years?

Knowledge is power

It’s not about the longevity of the relationship, it’s about the quality of the intimacy. Connecting to the outer aspects of our lives (our hobbies, for example), as well as our inner world (desires, beliefs, fears, etc.), makes a couple function in an emotionally intelligent way.

Being connected and keeping abreast of the changes in our love cards helps us not to collapse during times when our emotions are undergoing dramatic changes (when you have a baby, for example).

Above all, we want to make it clear that if you want to foster a healthy relationship, you should never get lazy and always make an effort to get to know your partner. Always keep admiring him and both keep your love cards up to date so that you will experience greater connection and strengthen both your individual and collective development.