You Can’t Change Anyone Else, Only Yourself
How many times have you tried to change other people? How many times has someone else tried to change you? Changing other people is something we cannot achieve no matter how hard we try.
We think changing others is as simple as telling someone to stop smoking. If he won’t stop, he won’t, no matter how many times you tell him. Just look at yourself and ask yourself: Would I do something I really don’t want to do?
We don’t live in some virtual world where we can change the people around us. In the real world, there are two options: accept them or distance themselves from them. But the option to change others doesn’t exist, period.
Don’t try to change others
To understand this concept a little better, since we are so stubborn about it, we will share a lesson with you in the form of a story:
A king walked through a rocky town. He got angry and said, “I want you to kill all the cows and carpet the whole city!” The wise men of the region gathered and said to him, “Very well, Your Majesty, we must kill ten thousand cows, all the leather tanned, and in ten years’ time we will have carpeted the whole kingdom so that our king cannot hurt himself.” .” Then the court jester came by and asked permission to speak. The king approached him, and the court jester said, “Why don’t we kill one cow, tan the leather, and make a pair of shoes for the king?” And the king learned that it was better to change himself rather than try to change the whole city.
Let’s think about what this story is trying to tell us. The king thought that changing the whole city would be easy and so he never thought of any other option. The same happens with us. We always think that changing others is easier than changing ourselves.
This is something we need to learn and look at with new eyes so that we don’t keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Changing others seems like the easiest option, much easier than changing ourselves. However, changing ourselves is possible; not changing others!
Accept others as they are
Why can’t we accept people as they are instead of changing them? Sometimes you love someone so much that you want to change them so you don’t have to lose them. But do you know what this means? If you change that other person, he is no longer himself. You would take his essence away from him. If you really don’t feel comfortable with him, if you don’t accept who he is and how he behaves, then distance yourself from him!
This is easy to say, but hard to do. Yes, you lose an awful lot of strength and energy by trying in vain to change someone. But accepting people as they are also requires a lot of energy, often more than we think, and so we unconsciously try to change them.
How many times have you gotten mad at someone for not behaving the way you wanted them to behave? Think of love relationships, after all this is the most common environment in which this occurs. Did your partner not behave the way you wanted? Too bad, but everyone is free to make their own choices. If you didn’t like the way he behaved, why are you with him?
You can change, but only if you want to. Imagine that someone else asks you to change. He says he doesn’t tolerate you the way you are anymore, so you try to change, but it doesn’t work. You will only be able to do it if the idea comes from within yourself.
Once you accept people as they are, you will never think that changing someone else is the answer. It is usually an empty effort that can have more consequences than you think. Don’t take that risk. Change yourself and accept others.
–Images courtesy of Naoto Hattori–
